Life has been quite a blur for me lately. The days have started to blend together into this long period of waiting and hoping. The sad part is, I don’t know what I am waiting for, what I am hoping to do, or where I am trying to go. But I know that there is a journey ahead of me, and my only focus right now is getting on the right path. I have succumbed to my introvert tendencies, and I have come to think that it is ok that all I do is sleep, work, eat, and repeat, because nothing else matters until I get to wherever it is that I am going. I’m trying to stay focused on the future, in order to block out the pain of my present. I’m trying to stay positive and figure out who I want to be, and where I want to go.
My only issue is, I don’t know how to do that. I have hopes and desires, and I dream just like any other person. But I’m still trying to figure out what all of that means. It really is true that we don’t always know “what we want to be when we grow up” until later in life. There have been so many times where I thought I knew for sure what I wanted to do, and who I wanted to be. But it just keeps changing as I grow and experience new things. But at what point will I finally know, “yes, this is it”? I’m hoping it will be at just the right moment, when everything falls into place, but I’m not sure how realistic that is.
I have changed so much in the past year alone.I’m a completely different person than I was on this day last year. Which is just crazy to me. I made choices back then that I look back on now wishing that I knew what I know now. My hopes and dreams have taken a drastic turn, for the better I think, and what I wanted back then seems so small compared to what I am reaching for now. I feel like I’ve hit this point in life where I feel like I am really growing up, and I am finding out who I am, and I am ready to get serious about life.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited for what’s ahead for me. I am looking forward to big things, but getting to this point in my life has not been easy, and I still have a long way to go. After seeing how much I am able to go through in a year, and how much I am capable of changing because of the things that have happened to me, I really do feel like I can accomplish whatever I set my mind to. For me, it’s just a matter of figuring out what it is I want to accomplish, and then making it happen.
Have you ever felt like this? How did you handle it? Let me know, I need some encouragement! xoxo