My life is changing. I feel like I’ve been saying that for weeks now on this blog. Maybe because back then deep down inside I knew this change was inevitable. I have been dealing with a lot of change, little things compared to what I am dealing with now, but right now it feels like everything is spiraling out of control. I don’t know if or when I will give details about it on here, but I do want to share with you that I am going through a really big thing in my life right now. I know everything happens for a reason, but right now I just can’t see past the pain that I am feeling.
I am dealing with emotions that I have never felt before, and decisions that I never thought I would have to make. It’s crazy to me how quickly things like this can happen, only to realize that it started so long ago, and it just slowly became this huge thing in my life, out of nowhere. I have to keep telling myself that when life gets this bad, something good must be in the works for me. Or else, how can I get through it?
If I am being honest, then I would say that I am hurting a lot right now. I can’t remember ever hurting like this before, but at the same time, I am still trying to stay positive, to find that silver lining. I am trying to remind myself that there are many outcomes that can come from this change that I am facing, but until I get through it I wont know which one is meant to happen.
I plan to take this opportunity, as hard as it is for me, to really focus on my walk with God, my choices, and my plans for my life. Who am I? What do I want out of life? How did I get to this point, and how can I prevent myself from ever feeling this pain again? How can I be happy again, what will that take, and how much time do I need? I know that we are never given anything that we can’t handle, even if at the time it seems impossible. This seems impossible to get through, but if I don’t get through it then what are my other options? Live in self pity, never do anything make anything of myself, or go through life as a miserable and angry person because of the cards that I’ve been dealt? Pass.
I want happiness, I want to smile and laugh and enjoy my days on this Earth, and I know that this is just a huge bump in the road that is my life, and once I get over it I can have those things again.