My life is changing. I feel like I’ve been saying that for weeks now on this blog. Maybe because back then deep down inside I knew this change was inevitable. I have been dealing with a lot of change, little things compared to what I am dealing with now, butย right now it feels like everything is spiraling out of control. I don’t know if or when I will give details about it on here, but I do want to share with you that I am going through a really big thing in my life right now. I know everything happens for a reason, but right now I just can’t see past the pain that I am feeling.

I am dealing with emotions that I have never felt before, and decisions that I never thought I would have to make. It’s crazy to me how quickly things like this can happen, only to realize that it started so long ago, and it just slowly became this huge thing in my life, out of nowhere. I have to keep telling myself that when life gets this bad, something good must be in the works for me. Or else, how can I get through it?

If I am being honest, then I would say that I am hurting a lot right now. I can’t remember ever hurting like this before, but at the same time, I am still trying to stay positive, to find that silver lining. I am trying to remind myself that there are many outcomes that can come from this change that I am facing, but until I get through it I wont know which one is meant to happen.

I plan to take this opportunity, as hard as it is for me, to really focus on my walk with God, my choices, and my plans for my life. Who am I? What do I want out of life? How did I get to this point, and how can I prevent myself from ever feeling this pain again? How can I be happy again, what will that take, and how much time do I need? I know that we are never given anything that we can’t handle, even if at the time it seems impossible. This seems impossible to get through, but if I don’t get through it then what are my other options? Live in self pity, never do anything make anything of myself, or go through life as a miserable and angry person because of the cards that I’ve been dealt? Pass.

I want happiness, I want to smile and laugh and enjoy my days on this Earth, and I know that this is just a huge bump in the road that is my life, and once I get over it I can have those things again.


  • I’m so sorry to hear you are hurting so much, but I think it is beautiful how positive you are remaining and how hard you are trying to be happy. I know I have just started reading your blog recently but I truly get the sense that you are a lovely, sincere person. There will be difficult times, bumps in the road and sometimes even long periods in which your life feels as if it is spiraling out of control (see the past two years for me) but I think it is important to remember that those times will end, and things WILL be happy again. If you ever need to talk about anything I am all about feelings all the time and am more than happy to listen (:

  • Hi there! I know we don’t know each other and I just started following your blog. It breaks my heart to read this, but I hope you know that good will come eventually. It’s damn cliched to say, but time does do wonders. I’m sure it doesn’t feel like it now, but you will survive. Try to take it one day at a time and find the small, happy moments in your life. Sorry for the unsolicited advice, but I hope you can smile once today if that! xoxo, ganeeban

  • (((Big Hug)))! Sorry to hear that. Happiness is all around and I’m sure it will help you through!

  • I am sorry to hear you are going through some tough times! I actually have been struggling with some big emotions lately too.. I pray you can get through them and I think your very brave to share your feelings with the world <3

  • Hang in there girl! You are gorgeous and smart and strong! And always remember, the biggest storms bring the prettiest rainbows!
    Sending lots of love and hugs ๐Ÿ™‚

  • It sounds like, even though you’re in the midst of so much bad and darkness, you really do have a very “good” outlook about it. Good is the wrong word but I don’t want to sound fluffy…

    I think one of the most important things we can remember when we’re in the thick of a time that’s unbelievably painful or scary is that there is ALWAYS another side to it. You will get there.

  • Oh Desiree… I am so so sorry you are hurting so badly right now. I will be praying that you feel God’s presence in the midst of this suffering. You are SO right about believing that something good WILL come from this. This too shall pass- and although that is so cliche, it is above all true! In time, this will transform into something that God can use-

    To grow you.
    To change whatever needs to be changed.
    To reach new hearts for His Purpose.
    To instill a deeper faith in you.

    I promise you will endure through this turn… your faith will get you through. Hold on. Hold on to Him. He alone will see to it that you will you WILL be okay.

    I will be praying for you.

  • So sorry to hear you are feeling like this. Have you considered seeing a psychotherapist to talk through some of your emotions?

  • Take some time to spend with God and remember who you are. Your identity is in Christ. Let him fight the battles for you. Hugs!

  • My prayers are with you! Stay positive and know you’re not alone.

  • Hi! First time at your blog. I hope you find peace!

  • Porsche


    I’m sorry to hear that you are hurting like this. My prayers are with you and I wish you peace in life.

  • Desiree,

    I applaud you for being courageous enough to share this difficult time you’re going through. I believe your sentiments are correct that something great is in the works and you’ll come out a stronger person. Always remember that everyone goes through highs and sometimes extreme lows, you are not alone. Just wanted to let you know that I adore your blog and think you have a beautiful soul! Best wishes, I hope this pain is very temporary.

    xo, Krist |

  • This quote helps me focus on what’s important everyday:

    “True happiness relates more to the mind and heart. Happiness that depends mainly on physical pleasure is unstable; one day it’s there, the next day it may not be.”

    I’ve gone through immensely rough roads in the past 5 months. Got completely lost through some. It’s not easy. I found strength and my sense of worth through focusing on what makes me feel good. In my heart and mind. I shun away from the ones that made me feel weak, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I know you’ll get through this! We all do so long as we stay grounded. Sending you strength and warmth through this trying time. xox

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